I was feeling a little stale this week. With the job hunt kicking into full gear (so I’m up to my elbows in resumes, cover letters, references, and letters of recommendation) – and this being March for Babies season (where we have a walk every weekend for like a month.), I just feel like I had no brain space left to write. Which is a shame. Because honestly, I love writing.
I have been wearing little except for black leggings and a March for Babies themed shirt this week and stuff from my April haul that I was holding out on wearing specifically for last week’s blog posts. So my fashion this week has not been innovative or exciting or even really that cute.
So I decided to write a post today that was more on the lifestyle side of things. And since my brain is a little fried – this will give me that last little…
See, this is how fried my brain is. I stopped writing that sentence mid-thought because I had to go do something else. Now I have no idea what the end of that sentence was supposed to be. THAT LAST LITTLE WHAT, FIVE MINUTES AGO ABBY?!
The world may never know.
But this week in particular has ANNOYED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I feel like I have been doing nothing but ranting and raving about dumb things. So I am going to share a list of people that annoy me – just to get it off my chest and maybe I will feel better when I’m done.
So here goes:
- People that blot the oil off of their pizza. You signed up to eat tomato sauce, cheese, and bread. Cheese. And bread. You are saving a microscopic amount of calories with the 1/2 teaspoon of olive oil that you just got off of there. You’re just making a mess and you look dumb.
- Part 2: Domino’s Pizza Boxes annoy me. They are immaculately designed by a graphic designer from what is likely a high level marketing firm. It is seriously beautiful and has some stunning graphic design on it. IT IS LITERAL GARBAGE. It is a pizza box that is beautifully designed and they have to pay to print them and had to pay this maarketing firm and graphic designer. For most consumers, you have that pizza in your possession for MAYBE an hour or two before the pizza is gone and you throw it away. And for probably half that time the pizza box is open so you can get the pizza out. And the box has a clever little thing to like them on Facebook. It’s 2016 and you’re a national pizza chain. I know you have a Facebook. WHY DID YOU PUT SO MUCH TIME, MONEY, ENERGY, AND MANPOWER INTO DESIGNING LITERAL GARBAGE? Your pizza is delicious, but your box makes me question everything I know.
- People who are really competitive about their children’s sports teams that are still on the “Blue Team” and the “Orange Team” because they are in third grade. 90% of those children will never play soccer again.
- People that say foreign words in the middle of an English sentence and put a a heavy accent on it. Here’s an example. “How are the ‘kay-tha-dee-yas'(quesadillas)?” or “We traveled to HUWATALAMA.” and then throw on a super Spanish accent for JUST ONE WORD. Stop it. Stop it. You look like an idiot.
- People who post 19 times a day about Bernie Sanders. You can settle down. Once a week would suffice. Or just voting quietly would also suffice.
- Part B: People who think my annoyance of their constant saturation of my social media is a political statement that I love or hate any candidate. It is not. Posting 19 times a day about anything is annoying. I became your friend on Facebook to voyeuristic-ly hear about your kids and your dog and your boyfriend drama.
- People who talk about their pets like they are people.
- People that vehemently defend Hamilton in the same way they defend their mothers and families. I love theatre as much as the next person. Probably more than your average schmo. But Hamilton is just a musical and people are allowed to like and dislike it as much as they please.
- People who wait in line for like twenty minutes and don’t have their order and payment ready when we get there. What were you doing that whole time we were in line? Just twiddling your thumbs and thinking about sailboats? No. I’m having none of it.
- People who wait in line with a cart full of 200 items and is extreme couponing and wants to return nine items and is a thousand years old and wants to pay with a check and don’t let the person behind them with one item go ahead of them. I mean, technically you were there first and have the right of way…just be courteous if you can.
- People who approach me during the winter to ask if my feet are cold because I’m wearing flip flops. If I answer no (which is the truth) – people say “I could never do that.” and I get more annoyed because no one asked you to. If I say “Yes, they are cold.” – Then people don’t know what to say. Sometimes I want to just guilt trip them and say “Yes, but I can’t afford warmer shoes so I just have to walk to class in flip flops in the snow. It’s been a hard year.” But literally, there is no way to answer that question. If my feet were cold – I would put on some damn shoes, stranger.
- People that Snapchat approximately 25 snaps of a concert that they are at. First of all, I CHOSE not to go to that concert. Probably on purpose. The sound is always garbled, it’s always dark, and you’re always jumping around so the video is blurry and unwatchable. And you have 25 in a row. I don’t mind one because you’re excited to be there. But you paid real money dollars (and usually a lot of money) to attend this concert. Put your phone away and watch it.
- On that same note: When I see two people out in a restaurant that are both on their phones and not showing the other person a photo or something. They are just browsing social media or texting. Honestly, be ruder. Why did you agree to go sit in public together if you didn’t want to interact?
- Part Three: When I see media coverage of an event (and the specific one that comes to mind is the Pope visiting Philadelphia) and every single person in the crowd is just holding up their phones. You are literally part of history. Use your eyes to create memories. Watch it.
- People who don’t believe in opening books, creasing the spine, reading them in pools, and actually using their books. Who are you trying to impress with your super immaculate copy of He’s Just Not That Into You?
- People who create awkward situations pretty deliberately. Like, if two people are talking about an upcoming party and this third person comes in and says “Why wasn’t I invited?” and then you’re all just left to stand there and stare at each other as awkward silence fills up the void.
- People who argue on Facebook at all. You are never going to change that person’s mind. If I posted “I think we should continue funding planned parenthood” and someone who disagrees tells me all the reasons they think it should be shut down and I tell them all of the reasons that it is important – we’re never going to change each other’s minds. Just roll your eyes and keep scrolling.
- People who read Facebook arguments they are having out loud to me as they are having them.
- Gym teachers that don’t appreciate that not all kids are equally able.
- People who repeat their joke three or four times because no one laughed or reacted so they are worried that no one heard the joke.
- People who re-post statuses that Facebook is going to start making you pay for their services and this post is going to make them immune to the paying.
- People that mow their lawns at 7:30am on Saturday morning for approximately 3 straight hours. How can you possibly have so much lawn to mow? Why did you have to do it while I am sleeping? Could you have at least waited until 9 so it wasn’t so ungodly early while I’m hungover.
- I feel that I must reiterate this: Preston. While I have been typing this he has folded laundry on my back, made ridiculous old man noises for about two straight minutes while tying his shoes, stopped me to show me these weird memes, and changed his underwear twice and had to tell me why. WHILE I WAS TYPING THIS.
And now I have to stop this list because I have to go live my grown up life somewhere else and do grown up stuff. And now I’m all riled up and want pizza. And coffee. Just not at the same time.
So here’s the “end of blog” spiel!
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Question of the Day: Who annoys you? Comment and let me know!
I’m not sure what I want to do for next week. I have a few ideas rolling around in my head. I’m definitely going to do a His & Hers fashion blog with Preston soon. And I want to do one about memorial day. And my birthday. And transitioning your outfits from winter to summer. But I’m not sure. I want to know what you are interested in hearing about? My Top 10 Embarrassing Stories? 20 Facts from Your Blogger? The 10 People You Meet in Theatre? Dress-pocalypse? A team up with another blogger? My birthday wishlist? Let me know!
Love all you wonderful ladies (and gents!) out there!
Wait, my cats aren’t people? Poor things. Please don’t tell them!
Oh dear, bad week. I think that’s going around. You’re close enough to me geographically that I can say IT’S THE WEATHER.
I *really* don’t want to get started on Things Slash People That Annoy Me. That’s not a blog. That’s a novel.
I love your outfit posts…and posts about what you and Preston do together. Uhm, the PG stuff. Folding laundry on your back? I don’t even understand.
Embarrassing stories might be fun…….
I think it must be the weather! And he was literally folding laundry On my back. I was laying on the bed and taking up all the folding space so he just used my back! What a dork! But next week will be his and her fashion outfits! We officially got someone to come do pictures for us, so I’m very excited! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
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