Things I’ve Learned Being a Woman on the Internet

Happy Hump Day, guys & gals & non-binary pals!

And this is going to be the harshest language of all time; but I’m lucky it’s hump day, because today can go and f*ck itself. Last night, I found a website FULL of hateful, mean, and threatening comments towards me, and it sucked. And I know, even though I know that they are garbage trolls with no lives, that they are a bunch of people with literally nothing better to do and when you start getting hate – it’s when you know you’ve made it, blah blah blah.

But you know what else? It sucks. Like straight up sucks.

I’m very blessed and lucky to have such wonderful friends, family, community, and readers who have sent lots of love to me and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

This blog post was going to be something different, but here we are, and I wanted to share some stuff. This is my three year blog-iversary. No big hooplah this year, but it’s still fun and exciting and I’m very proud. I’m proud of my own work and the amazing plus sized and influencer communities who have provided me with nothing but love and support and inspiration and the ability to follow my dream.

After three years on the internet, in a somewhat public eye, I have learned some invaluable lessons & I’d like to share them here.

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1.) There’s a community here, if you know how to find it.

Being plus sized online used to be terrifying. But I’ve found an incredible community here of people with my same interests from Podcasts, to sex positive communities, to fashion and style, to my retro obsession, to the amazing plus sized and body positive babes I’ve met along the way. There can be community here, if you know how to find it and utilize it.

 

2.) Knowing when it’s personal & when it’s not.

I’m still working on this in therapy. It’s not personal. It’s never personal. If they’ve never met you, it’s not personal. That goes from finding a hate website about you, to random commenters on Reddit threads, to your mom’s weird friend that is somehow against women’s rights – if they don’t know YOU, it’s not personal.

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Shop this Eloquii black and white puffy sleeve tee here, and these mustard high waisted shorts here (also available in a bunch of colors!)

 

3.) There’s vast opportunity out here.

I have connected with INCREDIBLE women all over the world through the internet. I’ve met friends, grew a business, been published, interviewed for a textbook, spoken at colleges, gotten to travel all over the country, literally met my husband, found our dog, and had endless amounts of positive things because of my online presence. There’s so much positive out there, please try to push past the hate.

4.) It’s not your job to change anyone’s mind.

People are dumb, mostly. You can internet argue until you’re blue and the face and the cows come home. But what it mostly renders you is pissed off for no reason, reading the comments back and forth to a friend while you’re raging, and literally no one’s opinion has changed. Take that energy and do some good on the internet.

 

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5.) Everyone has an opinion.

Some of them agree with you. Some of them are logic-less non-sense. Some of them are worthwhile. Most of them don’t matter. Keep your own self-opinion close to your heart and try not to worry about the rest. And some days that is harder than you might think. I get it.

 

6.) Self-Expression is just that.

It’s literally the expression of yourself. No one can tell you that you’re doing it wrong. If you love your style, embrace it and love it. I had someone tell me that my rainbow house was trashy and tasteless and how could one person have such horrible decor online. But you know what, my rainbow house is BAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLER. So there.

 

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7.) Threats are scary.

Yes, I realize that this person is PROBABLY never going to come to my house and attack me, or assault me, but when someone threatens to; it’s jarring to the soul. Don’t let anyone minimize your emotions on that. It’s scary and horrifying, and the best thing you can do is to block that person ASAP. And there’s a difference between getting a dick pic to my DMs but it’s another when someone makes 17 different Instagram accounts to follow me and bombards me on every platform (a real thing that has happened). There is value in safety and security.

 

8.) Remember IRL is equally important.

If it gets to be too overwhelming, getting asked for pics of your feet, reading 15 pages of hate, seeing yourself end up on a site making fun of people like you…just close the app. Shut your eyes and relax. Go have a cup of coffee with your neighbor. Walk your dog. Smooch your S.O. and realize that your self-worth is not based on the internet.

 

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Thank you to Eloquii, for gifting me these pieces, always helping me feel my most confident and bright, and for working together all these years. Check out their site here for some amazing fashion pieces!

SO HERE’S THE “END OF BLOG” SPIEL!

If you are at all interested in doing a collab or working with me – please feel free to check out my new Contact Me! page! I also do social media consulting and photography, so please reach out! Let’s work together!

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Comment for topics you would like to see me cover! Like to help my self esteem! What do you think so far? More fashion? More lifestyle? Do you like the mix?

Thank you for all that you do. You are truly extraordinary.

Love all you wonderful ladies (and gents!) out there!

How Very,

Abby

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2 Comments

  1. Amber S.

    I’m sorry there are some awful people out there and you’re having a bad day! 😦 I truly think, and I think you probably would agree with me, that for every awful person, there are thankfully 3 really good ones. I think you had some great tips on here. I hope tomorrow is a better day! ♥

    Like

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